I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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