He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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