I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
