i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
