my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
