My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
