So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
