Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
