my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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