I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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