So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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