I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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