You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
