your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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