I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
