Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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