no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
