he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
