I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I understand Curling. That high.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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