Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
