I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
