Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
