Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
