DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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