He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
