hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
