Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
