Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
