just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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