I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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