Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
