i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
