Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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