I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
