He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
