HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
