How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
