absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
