Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
