Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I smell stomach acid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
