He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
