I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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