oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
