I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
