Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
