I got her a Nickelback box set.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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