We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
