I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
