You can't motorboat a personality
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
