she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
